How “24x7 Connectivity” Prevents Real Connections

On New Year's Eve, my friends and I brought our four girls to Boston to celebrate. As we boarded a subway back to our hotel, the girls were screeching with excitement, as only sugared-up little girls can. As the train approached, they thought it would be fun to catch the eyes of riders and wish them a Happy New Year. After all, who wouldn’t like to hear a greeting from a gaggle of cute little girls on a cold winter’s night?

Turns out, few people did want to hear it, or perhaps it’s more accurate to say they could not hear it. Virtually every person filing off that train was connected to some electronic device that insulated them from any unplanned social interaction. Whether listening to music, texting to friends or chatting on their phones, every person remained nestled within their tight cocoons and probably never noticed our kids’ deflated expressions.

This incident has stuck with me, as I see more people — colleagues, family and friends — abandon in-person interaction in favor of electronic communications. While it might be more efficient, expedient and less “messy” at times, I am concerned about what this trend will mean to our inclination and ability to have the kind of conversations that foster deep connections. In this edition, I reflect on the unintended consequences of our growing reliance on electronic communications, and explore some of the conscious choices we need to make as a result.

• Efficiency trumps quality: Sending an email, tweet or text to multiple recipients is much faster and easier than calling or visiting each one. In fact, except for messages that will clearly benefit from a two-way real-time exchange (e.g., an apology for a recent transgression, an entreaty for an impossibly big favor), most of us will opt for the most expedient route of communications. Trouble is, many people either can’t easily figure out what kind of situations require a real conversation, or just don't want to take the time. As a result, many important conversations are relegated to email or text, which can actually chew up a lot more time in clarifying or dispelling misperceptions versus just picking up the phone. Give more thought to the situations that really call for a conversation and take time to make personal contact instead of dashing off a message from your iPhone. You may save time and preserve relationships that matter as a result.

• The myth of master multitaskers: The human brain, no matter how big, is simply not able to competently handle two separate thought processes at one time. A recent Stanford University study shows that those of us who have the illusion of competence as we multitask throughout the day are actually the worst at it. Chronic multitaskers are less able to filter out irrelevant information while performing a task (or, more accurately, several tasks), and have a more difficult time applying content and knowledge to the task at hand. If you're a habitual multitasker, try — even for 15 minutes — to focus on just one thought process at a time. You may be amazed how fast you can get things done, with superior results.

• Rapidly disappearing critical thinking skills: As information becomes more readily available from literally millions of sources, we tend to cast a very wide net when we’re seeking information. Even if we were disciplined enough to set aside uninterrupted time to think deeply about complex topics, we are increasingly unable to zero in on the information we most need to solve problems or generate new ideas. Some researchers believe that chronic multitasking may permanently alter our brain's ability to sort out and absorb important information, thus jeopardizing our ability to think critically. Consider allotting yourself a certain time limit or maximum number of information resources, then pause to synthesize what you have learned before continuing to collect yet more data. Try practicing the 80/20 rule: If you feel you’ve got 80% of what you need, get to work applying that knowledge and only return for more if you believe that your results will be enhanced as a result.

• The high cost of civil inattention: Just because everyone else seems to be texting while they pretend to listen to what others have to say doesn’t necessarily make it okay for you. And no, it doesn’t matter whether others can see you thumbing a message or not. The fact is, we are simply unable to read or write to someone while deriving meaning from what the person in front of us (or on the phone) is saying. Few of us are so indispensable that we cannot put down our devices so we can make direct contact with a person who needs our focused attention for at least a few minutes. If you find yourself competing with your friend’s BlackBerry, whip out a book or pick up your phone to initiate your own conversation. If your friend doesn’t take the hint, at least you'll have something to occupy yourself while you wait.

• The erosion of basic communication skills: As young people become more immersed in technology, their basic skills, especially reading and writing, often diminish in direct correlation. The average U.S. teenager spends more than 50 hours a week connected to some kind of digital media. As a result, many researchers have found that young peoples’ memories are disintegrating, analytical skills stunted and thought processes becoming muddled. Many kids are never really learning to read nonverbal cues, given that they spend most communications time staring into a screen instead of a face. As parents, we can set limits on technology use and encourage activities that involve face-to-face interaction, vs. face-to-screen. As adults, we can model engaging interpersonal communications by stashing our own electronic devices and paying attention to the people around us.

Our obsession with being connected 24x7 has many other costs as well. Cell phone users are about four times more likely to get into an accident, and for texters, the likelihood of an accident is eight times as great. Our penchant for inviting distractions means that getting work done takes far longer. On average, we lose about 23 minutes each time we go off task, whether to answer an IM, make a quick call, or surf the web. And when we fail to grasp the urgent tone in our colleague’s voice or ignore our friend’s plea for help, as we scan emails and send IMs, the potential loss of that relationship is, well, priceless.

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See our related articles: Drive Out Distractions and Reclaim Your Time, Discourage Multitasking with Clear Ground Rules, and Real-time Conversations Crucial for Networking in a Virtual World. For tips of creating a credible two-way communications process in times of change, see our related white paper.

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