Leading with Questions, Not Answers

“If I eat a watermelon seed, will it grow inside my tummy?”

“What makes the leaves change colors?”

“If I grow tall enough, can I touch the stars?”

Let’s hear it for the curious minds of young kids, who invite us into their magical view of the world with their thought-provoking questions. That is, until they quickly learn in school that rote learning and memorization seems to be valued above creativity.

The questions of children tend to be more practical as they grow older. For example, they might ask: “What is the formula to find the hypotenuse?” instead of being curious, say, about how Pythagoras came up with his theorem in the first place.

Many people see questions as a nuisance. How many times have we heard: “Don’t come to me with a problem unless you have a solution?” Or this snarky response: “Google is your friend. Look up the answer yourself.”

We pose questions for many reasons. Maybe it’s to satisfy our curiosity, understand a topic more fully, open up or deepen the conversation, show how much we know, or simply to change the dynamics.

When we hear questions, we might welcome them as a chance to engage, to clarify key points, or to assess interest or attention. We might also dread them if we think they are silly or obtuse, or if we think that asking too many questions slow us down.

In this edition of Communique, I’ll explore how, when and where questions can be most helpful in group conversations, and how to coax questions that can lead to productive and enlightening conversations.

There’s no such thing as a stupid question. Well…..that depends on how we define “stupid.” If someone has multitasked their way through the last few minutes of conversation and they ask someone to repeat content that was already covered, then yes, that might qualify. A question that is completely irrelevant to the topic may not be exactly stupid, but it sure can be a waste of time. When I’m helping groups to create meeting norms, I might suggest that we operate under the assumption that there are no stupid questions, which can encourage people to ask questions without feeling awkward or, well, stupid.
Open-ended questions can be a great way to spark meaningful conversation. I usually have a whole list of them ready to go, just in case. For a strategic planning workshop, I might ask: “Fast-forward three years from now. We have exceeded all of our financial goals. All of our clients have become raving fans. Employees say they never want to leave. How did we do it?” A few caveats: Always give a silent moment for thought and reflection. Your introverts will thank you. Make sure you have enough time for everyone to answer. If not, decide whether to ask just a few volunteers or people whose voices haven’t been heard. Options: Invite people to use chat if this is a virtual meeting. If you’re all in one room, provide sticky notes so people can jot down and post ideas, and invite people to scan responses before opening up a group discussion.
Close-ended questions work well to shift energy, speed up the pace or invite broader engagement. Examples: True or false? What percentage of XX would you say…? If you had a single piece of advice, it would be ______? How many of you agree with XXXX? These kinds of questions can be answered quickly and make it easier for everyone to engage in the conversation and help restore the group’s energy if it’s flagging. Not all questions need to be related to the topic. You can lighten the mood by asking for a show of hands in response to questions like: Dogs or cats? Coffee or tea? Morning person or night owl? Audiobooks or paper?
Make it inviting to ask questions. No one wants to be that person who’s the only one who hasn’t quite caught on. Instead of asking: “Any questions?” or “Does everyone understand?” try asking something like: “What are you still curious about?” Or: “What questions haven’t been asked yet?” Or: “What do you think most people might want to know more about?” The key is to make it safe and comfortable for people to acknowledge that they want to know more.
Ask questions to overcome silent crickets. We’ve all experienced that awkward moment when we ask a question followed by complete silence. An approach that almost always works for me: If no one speaks after a question, I let the silence go a moment or two and then explain that I will paraphrase the question in case it wasn’t clear. If after that I still hear nothing, I will say something like: “I am not sure what to make of this silence. Can someone help me?” Then I allow an even longer silent pause. Inevitably someone will respond, and others usually follow.
Coax participation with well-directed questions. Some people just don’t (or won’t) speak up, despite our best efforts. Since it can be hard to discern the reasons for the reticence, it’s never a good idea to make assumptions as to why. If you want to hear from a particular person, try asking a question specific to them. Example: “Ann, your region’s results were your best ever. What do you suspect are some of the reasons?” If several people haven’t spoken, note that there are a few voices you need to hear from before you cycle back to those who have spoken.
Managing the flow of questions that becomes a barrage. Sometimes there’s one person who never stops with the questions, which can be annoying and frustrating for those who can’t get a word in edgewise. Try this: Apologize for interrupting and let the person know that you appreciate their curiosity, while acknowledging that others have questions to be answered in the time remaining. Let them know how and when they can get more of their questions answered (e.g. after the meeting, via email, in another meeting, etc.). If many people have more questions than you expected, that might be a sign that your instructions or content weren’t clear enough to begin with.
Break the ice with social questions. Let’s say you’re waiting for a few more people to join the meeting as others wait. Instead of squandering precious time where people could be making valuable connections, have a few questions handy. People can answer in chat if you’re virtual, or out loud if everyone is together. Examples: Describe what you can see outside of your nearest window. What’s your favorite thing about autumn? If you could inhabit a fictional place, where would it be? The idea is to involve everyone in the conversation from the start and help people get to know each other beyond their formal roles.
Wrap up with a question. This can take many forms. It might be a “did well/do better” kind of question so participants can give you immediate feedback on the session. You might ask a “takeaway” kind of question like “What’s one tip you can put into practice next week?” Or “What ideas are you most excited to share with your team right away?” Or you can ask a fill-in-the-blank kind of question, like: “The adjective that best describes how I’m feeling right now is______.” Much depends on the number of participants, your time remaining, your relationship with the group, whether you’re in person or virtual and other variables. Make sure you spend at least a few minutes to give everyone a chance to respond.

Socrates had it right when he said that asking questions is essential for learning and growth. The key, especially for those of us who facilitate conversations of one kind or another, is to know how, when and where to pose which kind of question, how to safely elicit responses from all voices, and how to respond in a way that makes the requester feel their question was heard and valued.

Links

If you’d like a PDF of my chapter from my Facilitation Skills workshop on the topic of the art and science of powerful questions, along with several examples, please send me an email and I’ll send it along.